New beginings

Well it's been a while since I've taken the time to write. I've been trying to get well. We've moved in with my daddy to help him and it also helps me. I miss my home but I need to make this my home. Our youngest son is living there. It's only about a block away from where we are at daddy's.
Our chicken adventure didn't go so well. It was fun at first but became very difficult for us to take care of them and ourselves so we gave them to our son's friend who raises chickens. I'm sure they are have a good ole chicken time! LOL
I'm still having trouble with my mental illness, but progress is being made every day. I'm trying to learn to accept things I can not change or do anything about. It's hard but I'm really starting to have a different out look. I'm finally able to cook a little again but I still can't drive. I've still been going to see my psychiatrist. She put me on Risperdal and Benzotropine which has helped tremendously. I take diazepam for the panic attacks that I still have. Things are not great but are definitely much better than they were a year ago! We just take it day by day and try to enjoy our life.
We've also been enjoying our grandson Brantley aka Boogie. He has brought so much joy to our lives. This is our son Brandon, Boogie and me while we were down back of our property shooting golf balls...yep that's how we play golf in the country!! :)

 

 

I've been trying to get back into my crafting too. John made big tables in the spare bedroom for his reloading and my crafting. He put pegboard on one wall so I can hang my stickers and he can hang his reloading things. Well I guess that's all for today. I'm going to find another 30 challenge so maybe I will start making daily post again. Fingers crossed :) Well I hope everyone has a great day

 

 

 

the past couple of days have been hard

My hubby has worked everyday since last Monday...not complaining because the money is good to catch up bills. Plus the tooth he broke last week can be fixed this week!! Anyways it has been hard not having him here to help me through my "episodes". I was upset yesterday afternoon so I ended up cutting. I have been cutting since I was a teenager. I only cutting maybe 3 times until after I married my ex-husband. I have lots of scars and I had almost completely quit cutting until the last few months, now I have fresh scars and a lot of them. People think only teenagers cut and that they only cut for attention. Let me make it clear that is not always true. That is a stereo-type that came along with the so called Emo kids. Cutters were way before Emos came along. "Normal" adults cut also and it's not for attention. At least I know from my experiences it's for a type of release. It releases built up mental stress from all of the abuse that I've experienced in my life. My ex-husband was a horrible, vile, sexual, emotional and verbal abusive man! The cutting when I was a teenager was more or less experimental because a friend told me she did it and it helped her. I was not abused by anyone during that time. The cutting that started when I was with my ex-husband was because of the abuse. I was abused in every way imaginable and unimaginable almost every day for 5 years! I don't know how I made it through that experience except for the love of my kids!!! I was terrified and didn't know how to get away. I was told he would find me and kill me and my kids and anyone who helped me get away. I was also told he would kill my family and burn them in their houses afterwards so I would never see them again alive or dead!! The only two things that were great from that marriage were my two sons and they have became wonderful men!! The last time they saw that man was in 1992...my youngest was 1 year old and the oldest was almost 3. They were raised by me and my current husband who I married in 1993. He is a wonderful man and helped my boys become responsible, intelligent, kind and honest men. I'm very proud of my sons and my husband. My husband has been by my side through all of this and I don't know what I would do without him!!
Hopefully things will start looking up after I see my doctor again on Wednesday!! I hope everyone has a good afternoon!! :)

it's been a while!

Well it's been a while. I promised myself when I started this blog that I would post everyday but I've been going through a lot. I've been going to my psychiatrist and counselor and I've been diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder. I don't know a lot about it yet...it's hard to concentrate on anything right now. I'm trying to research it and I've been doing my cognitive therapy. I don't know what else to say about it right now. My counselor did a test to determine what disorder if any I had  and decided it was the bipolar 2. Like I said I'm still very confused and don't know much about it and when you hear bipolar you think oh I'm crazy then! I go to my psychiatrist again on the 6th of next month and hopefully she can make some things more clear to me. I don't feel like doing much but being at home in the peace and quite. Some days I feel turned inside out and don't know what to do with myself. Hopefully a remedy will be made for me soon!
I also woke to the news that my cousin's girlfriend supposedly shot herself in the forehead at 2am yesterday morning and he didn't report it until around 9am this morning! She also had a big gash in her back. She was still alive but in a coma and he had put her in the bathtub to try and wake her up. He claims she had sit up and watched tv with him last night and was ok when she went to bed...really with a gunshot wound in her forehead? She is in surgery right now having the bullet removed...if it can be and they don't know if she is going to live are not!! He and his mother claim they didn't call 911 because their cell phones had been turned off and she begged them not to call because she would have refused treatment anyways. Oh and then this morning they remembered you can still call 911 on a deactivated cell phone. They have neighbors all around them and they have a car. Why not go to your neighbor or put her in the car and take her to the hospital regardless if she said she didn't want to? I would have taken someone to the hospital if they accidently grazed their toe with a bullet!!!!!!!  I just don't think 2+2 add up to 1 on this situation. Just Saturday night he had been at my sister's house drunk or doped up and was acting so strangely she went to her bedroom and locked herself inside the door. He went outside with her husband and ended up pulling a knife on a friend of ours and telling everyone he was going to kill them. He also has been hiding in the woods in front of my sister's house watching every thing  they do. He yells out the window at his mother's house that just wait they are all gonna be dead. He has ruined his brain with all the drugs and alcohol he does. He has had other girlfriends and a wife in the past that he has shot at and they didn't press charges on him so the police didn't do anything to him because the women wouldn't cooperate with the law. I don't believe she shot herself!! I think he did and I hope the truth comes out and he rots in jail for this if he did do it!!! If he didn't I still think he should still serve time for not getting her help sooner!!!
Well I guess that's all on this subject for now and hopefully some light will be shed on my disorder for me soon. I know some of my reader must be thinking wow what a crazy family you got there woman...I really hope not. If anyone can help me understand my disorder please comment and tell me about it please!!!!

Day 30 of 30 day challenge-What have I learned in the past month?

So this is the last day of my 30 day blogger challenge...I kinda feel sad about it!
My topic is what I've learned in the past month. Well I've learned a lot the past month. I've learned it takes a lot of work to post a post every day on a blog and to make the commitment it requires for it's up keep. I've also learned that it is hard to find things to write about yourself on command! LOL
I've also had the personal problems with depression and repressed feeling from the abusive relationship from years ago...before my hubby now...that I never dealt with that Ambien brought to a head. I've learned a lot about myself through therapy and the help of my dear awesome hubby! There is a lot of work left to work through all of that but with the help of my loved ones I will get through it day by day.
Well I guess this is it for my first blogger challenge. I must find another one now so I can commit to make a post every day. I know I have a lot I could post about without a blogger challenge but I think the challenges are a fun idea for my blog.

Day 16 of 30 day challenge-my blog story

Day 16 of my 30 blogger challenge I'm supposed to explain my blog story.

Well there's really not much to my blog story other than a place to put my feelings down and try to get my depression under control. I want to be able to connect with other people who may be going through the same things I am or that has the same family and religious values that my family and I do. I love my family and I would like to share my family with others. We are loud and drama filled. lol We have troubles but we also have lots of love and good times together!! So I guess that is my blog story. I know it is probably a boring place in cyber space but hopefully there are some readers out there that will enjoy The Whitley's Chaotic Life...hopefully!! :)

I'm behind!! Day 13 & 14 of my 30 day challenge.

I've been dealing with some really hard personal feelings the past few days and have neglected my blog...I'm sorry! I've really tried but when dealing with depression some days some things are just put on the back burner. Now I have a lot of catching up to do so, here we go:

Day 13 of my 30 day blogger challenge topic is: Put my Ipod on shuffle and the first 10 songs that play as well as quotes from them. Well this is an easy topic to do because sadly I don't own an Ipod. I know what you're thinking...WHAT you don't own an Ipod? Nope I don't!! I did but hubby ended up with it cause I hardly ever used it. What is the use in having something if you don't use it? So that's that on this topic! LOL

Day 14- Songs that I listen to when I'm happy/mad/sad/bored/hyper/etc...
Ok I do listen to music! I listen to music on my truck radio and on the tv music channels as well as my computer. The music I listen to when I'm happy is any of Zac Brown Bands songs as well as some of the oldies like Van Morrison, Otis Redding, Marvin Gaye, etc... When I'm mad I guess I don't like to listen to music at all . When I'm sad old country music, bored I'll listen to anything, hyper I'd say something like Pantera and Metallica. I listen to a large variety of music. The only music I do not like is rap. I hate rap!!!
So that it for day 13 & 14 :)