New beginings

Well it's been a while since I've taken the time to write. I've been trying to get well. We've moved in with my daddy to help him and it also helps me. I miss my home but I need to make this my home. Our youngest son is living there. It's only about a block away from where we are at daddy's.
Our chicken adventure didn't go so well. It was fun at first but became very difficult for us to take care of them and ourselves so we gave them to our son's friend who raises chickens. I'm sure they are have a good ole chicken time! LOL
I'm still having trouble with my mental illness, but progress is being made every day. I'm trying to learn to accept things I can not change or do anything about. It's hard but I'm really starting to have a different out look. I'm finally able to cook a little again but I still can't drive. I've still been going to see my psychiatrist. She put me on Risperdal and Benzotropine which has helped tremendously. I take diazepam for the panic attacks that I still have. Things are not great but are definitely much better than they were a year ago! We just take it day by day and try to enjoy our life.
We've also been enjoying our grandson Brantley aka Boogie. He has brought so much joy to our lives. This is our son Brandon, Boogie and me while we were down back of our property shooting golf balls...yep that's how we play golf in the country!! :)

 

 

I've been trying to get back into my crafting too. John made big tables in the spare bedroom for his reloading and my crafting. He put pegboard on one wall so I can hang my stickers and he can hang his reloading things. Well I guess that's all for today. I'm going to find another 30 challenge so maybe I will start making daily post again. Fingers crossed :) Well I hope everyone has a great day

 

 

 

the past couple of days have been hard

My hubby has worked everyday since last Monday...not complaining because the money is good to catch up bills. Plus the tooth he broke last week can be fixed this week!! Anyways it has been hard not having him here to help me through my "episodes". I was upset yesterday afternoon so I ended up cutting. I have been cutting since I was a teenager. I only cutting maybe 3 times until after I married my ex-husband. I have lots of scars and I had almost completely quit cutting until the last few months, now I have fresh scars and a lot of them. People think only teenagers cut and that they only cut for attention. Let me make it clear that is not always true. That is a stereo-type that came along with the so called Emo kids. Cutters were way before Emos came along. "Normal" adults cut also and it's not for attention. At least I know from my experiences it's for a type of release. It releases built up mental stress from all of the abuse that I've experienced in my life. My ex-husband was a horrible, vile, sexual, emotional and verbal abusive man! The cutting when I was a teenager was more or less experimental because a friend told me she did it and it helped her. I was not abused by anyone during that time. The cutting that started when I was with my ex-husband was because of the abuse. I was abused in every way imaginable and unimaginable almost every day for 5 years! I don't know how I made it through that experience except for the love of my kids!!! I was terrified and didn't know how to get away. I was told he would find me and kill me and my kids and anyone who helped me get away. I was also told he would kill my family and burn them in their houses afterwards so I would never see them again alive or dead!! The only two things that were great from that marriage were my two sons and they have became wonderful men!! The last time they saw that man was in 1992...my youngest was 1 year old and the oldest was almost 3. They were raised by me and my current husband who I married in 1993. He is a wonderful man and helped my boys become responsible, intelligent, kind and honest men. I'm very proud of my sons and my husband. My husband has been by my side through all of this and I don't know what I would do without him!!
Hopefully things will start looking up after I see my doctor again on Wednesday!! I hope everyone has a good afternoon!! :)

it's been a while!

Well it's been a while. I promised myself when I started this blog that I would post everyday but I've been going through a lot. I've been going to my psychiatrist and counselor and I've been diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder. I don't know a lot about it yet...it's hard to concentrate on anything right now. I'm trying to research it and I've been doing my cognitive therapy. I don't know what else to say about it right now. My counselor did a test to determine what disorder if any I had  and decided it was the bipolar 2. Like I said I'm still very confused and don't know much about it and when you hear bipolar you think oh I'm crazy then! I go to my psychiatrist again on the 6th of next month and hopefully she can make some things more clear to me. I don't feel like doing much but being at home in the peace and quite. Some days I feel turned inside out and don't know what to do with myself. Hopefully a remedy will be made for me soon!
I also woke to the news that my cousin's girlfriend supposedly shot herself in the forehead at 2am yesterday morning and he didn't report it until around 9am this morning! She also had a big gash in her back. She was still alive but in a coma and he had put her in the bathtub to try and wake her up. He claims she had sit up and watched tv with him last night and was ok when she went to bed...really with a gunshot wound in her forehead? She is in surgery right now having the bullet removed...if it can be and they don't know if she is going to live are not!! He and his mother claim they didn't call 911 because their cell phones had been turned off and she begged them not to call because she would have refused treatment anyways. Oh and then this morning they remembered you can still call 911 on a deactivated cell phone. They have neighbors all around them and they have a car. Why not go to your neighbor or put her in the car and take her to the hospital regardless if she said she didn't want to? I would have taken someone to the hospital if they accidently grazed their toe with a bullet!!!!!!!  I just don't think 2+2 add up to 1 on this situation. Just Saturday night he had been at my sister's house drunk or doped up and was acting so strangely she went to her bedroom and locked herself inside the door. He went outside with her husband and ended up pulling a knife on a friend of ours and telling everyone he was going to kill them. He also has been hiding in the woods in front of my sister's house watching every thing  they do. He yells out the window at his mother's house that just wait they are all gonna be dead. He has ruined his brain with all the drugs and alcohol he does. He has had other girlfriends and a wife in the past that he has shot at and they didn't press charges on him so the police didn't do anything to him because the women wouldn't cooperate with the law. I don't believe she shot herself!! I think he did and I hope the truth comes out and he rots in jail for this if he did do it!!! If he didn't I still think he should still serve time for not getting her help sooner!!!
Well I guess that's all on this subject for now and hopefully some light will be shed on my disorder for me soon. I know some of my reader must be thinking wow what a crazy family you got there woman...I really hope not. If anyone can help me understand my disorder please comment and tell me about it please!!!!

Day 30 of 30 day challenge-What have I learned in the past month?

So this is the last day of my 30 day blogger challenge...I kinda feel sad about it!
My topic is what I've learned in the past month. Well I've learned a lot the past month. I've learned it takes a lot of work to post a post every day on a blog and to make the commitment it requires for it's up keep. I've also learned that it is hard to find things to write about yourself on command! LOL
I've also had the personal problems with depression and repressed feeling from the abusive relationship from years ago...before my hubby now...that I never dealt with that Ambien brought to a head. I've learned a lot about myself through therapy and the help of my dear awesome hubby! There is a lot of work left to work through all of that but with the help of my loved ones I will get through it day by day.
Well I guess this is it for my first blogger challenge. I must find another one now so I can commit to make a post every day. I know I have a lot I could post about without a blogger challenge but I think the challenges are a fun idea for my blog.

Day 26 of 30 day challenge-who am I?

                          Day 26 of my 30 day blogger challenge asks who am I?

 I am a wife, mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, aunt, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, cousin, niece, and granddaughter. I'm an everyday person with everyday problems and joys!! I'm kind hearted, loving and caring. I'm moody and selfish at times. I love the people in my life whole heartedly. I hold grudges and can be very strong willed. I get my feelings hurt very easily and don't forgive very easily at times but at other times I forgive in a heartbeat. I love animals, and babies, especially my Boogie, Waylon and Callie!! I love my husband so much, he is my soul-mate and I can't not imagine life without him. I love my boys more than words can explain. I have enjoyed raising them and now that they are grown I don't know what to do with myself and I have major empty nest syndrome!! I love Christmas and snow but that is the only part of winter I love. I love the season fall best of all the seasons, I love the color pink especially with black or zebra striped. I love zebras and wish I could own one!! I love the ocean, I love the sand between my toes and the wind in my hair. I love finding things on the shore that you would never expect to find there. I love to find perfect seashells and finding a brilliant piece of sea glass in an unexpected color. I love sitting in the sunshine. I love so many things and enjoy life. Once I get out of the funk that I've been in for the past couple of months I will be so excited to enjoy life to the fullest again!! Well there's a lot more of me but for now I guess this is it. :)

Day 25 of 30 day challenge-What makes me different from people my age?

Finally I'm caught up!!! YAY!!
Day 25 of my 30 day blogger challenge's topic is what makes me different from people my age?
Well to begin with I'm not employed but not due to not being able to find employ but because of my health and luckily I have a husband who chooses me to be able to be at home and take care of our home. People my age are more career oriented than I am. People my age are usually more active and are out having lots of fun with their friends more than I do. Living with Fibromyalgia it's not as easy for me to be out and active all the time. Plus I don't have friends! Friends in my experience only back stab and cause trouble!! I would love to find some friends who are trustworthy and honest! I guess my husband and I choose to be totally family oriented and live our life out of the hustle and bustle way of life like most people life their lives now days. We both have social anxiety and it's hard for us to be around a lot of people to begin with. I love my life and would not like it changed in any way. Some people reading this may think we are isolated and old fashioned and I guess they are right, but it's our life and we love it!! :)

Day 24 of 30 day challenge-favorite haunts during the weekend.

Day 24 of my 30 day blogger challenge is my favorite haunts during the weekend. Well we don't really have any favorite haunts on the weekend unless it's home for  me or his parent's house for John. We don't really have any friends other than family or John has a few friends at work. So John usually goes to his parents to help them their with their place or goes hunting and I usually hang out at home, cleaning...as usual...or doing my crafts. In between we will go grocery shopping or shopping for other  things we need. Yes I live a boring life!!! :)

Day 23 of day 30-5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex.

Ok day 23 of my 30 day blogger challenge is about 5 things that irritate you about the opposite sex/same sex.

1). Males who think women are below them and are not as strong as they are.

2). Females or even males for the matter...who have bad attitudes and want to fight with everyone.

3). When lost males will not stop and ask for directions...thank goodness for GPS!!! :)

4). Women who think they are better than you because of the brand of clothing, shoes or bags they wear!! Maybe some people just choice to spend their money in more wisely ways!! I can't stand snobby people...male or female!!

5). Males who think all female drivers are bad drivers. I've known some very bad male drivers but that doesn't make them all bad!!! :)

Day 22 0f 30 day challenge-someone I would switch life with for a day.

Ok on day 22 my topic was to name someone I would switch life with for a day. This one is an easy one because I would never want to switch life with anyone for a day. First reason is my life is my life and as crazy as it can be I love it and my family. I don't want to be away from my husband for a day of my life!!! I don't want to switch my life for anyone else's for another reason...their life could actual not be as it appears. Lastly what if something happened and I couldn't switch back? So I'm sorry but I don't want to switch my life for anyone's life!! :)

Day 20 of 30 day challenge- a person I look up to.

Wow  day 20 of my 30 day blogger challenge already!! My topic today is about a person I look up to.
The person I look up to the most is my husband. He is my soul mate and is always here for me!! He is the most important person in my life. I love him with all my heart and soul. I would give my last breath for him and he would for me too! You only find a love like this once in a lifetime! He is my everything!!  I love you hubby!!!

Day 19 of 30 day challenge- talk about your siblings.

On day 19 of my 30 day blogger challenge I have to talk about my siblings.

Ok I have 2 sisters and no brothers. I'm the middle daughter. My older sister is 5 years older than me. She has a son and a daughter. They are 11 years apart so she pretty much started over when she had her daughter. Her son has a 4 year old son. Her daughter is a sophomore in high school. She is single and works as a dispatcher for the local sheriff's department. She lives right down the road from us. My youngest sister is 13 months younger than me. She has only one child, a son. He has a daughter who is 1 year old today. She has been married for 11 years. She has worked for the Texas Department of Criminal Justice for 19 years. She also lives right down the road from us.
I love both of my sisters and their families very much and so glad I have them in my life.

Day 16 of 30 day challenge-my blog story

Day 16 of my 30 blogger challenge I'm supposed to explain my blog story.

Well there's really not much to my blog story other than a place to put my feelings down and try to get my depression under control. I want to be able to connect with other people who may be going through the same things I am or that has the same family and religious values that my family and I do. I love my family and I would like to share my family with others. We are loud and drama filled. lol We have troubles but we also have lots of love and good times together!! So I guess that is my blog story. I know it is probably a boring place in cyber space but hopefully there are some readers out there that will enjoy The Whitley's Chaotic Life...hopefully!! :)

Day 10 of 30 day challenge-3 things you are proud of about your personality

Today is the 10th day of my 30 day blogger challenge! I can't believe I'm already on day 10. Ok today's topic is 3 things I'm proud of about my personality.
The first thing I'm proud of about my personality is I'm a caring person. I care about the people in my life and want them to be happy. The second thing I'm proud of about me is I'm loving. I love to love and be loved. The third I would have to say is I'm happy. I'm happy with my life and the people in it. I'm happy with the person I've become. I think I'm happier with my life more now than ever before. I know who I am and who I'm going to be for the rest of my life. When you are young you have no idea what route your life will take you but when you are  my age you kinda know how things will play out. Well now I'm not saying there will not be unknown bumps along the way...life would be pretty boring if there were not any bumps and everything was just smooth sailing...or at least I think it would be! So I guess that's all I have for the day on this topic! I hope everyone has a marvelous day!! :)

Day 7 of 30 day challenge-A habit I wish I didn't have.

On day 7 of my 30 day blogger challenge I have to blog about a habit I wish I didn't have. Well I have more than one habit I wish I didn't have! I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, and I don't do illegal drugs so luckily I can't blog about those topics. I do however like my caffeine in the form of diet Dr. Pepper. I love me some Dr Pepper!!

 

 

I drink about 4 of these a day! My doctor told me the other day when I went to see her that I must cut the caffeine out :( She wants me to stop any caffeine after noon and within 4 weeks be completely caffeine free. Well let me tell you that has not gone so well!!! I swear they must put heroin or something in these things cause trying to quit drinking them is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do in my life...not that I know what doing heroin is like but I'm just saying!!
Another habit I have I wish I didn't have is worrying about every little thing that should not even matter. I'm the biggest worry wart in the world!! I try to not worry and then I worry because I'm not worrying. It's a never ending cycle and it sucks big time!

 

Those are just a couple of habits I have I wish I didn't. I could go on and on but I will stop at these for today.